I'm trying to forget every nice thing you ever said

Why even bother putting it in my own words?

That girl i "know" in Asia?

She knows what i mean.

"

Never let yourself fall too far in love.

Damn, I really should’ve listened to you this time.

I always make the same mistakes, though,

This time wouldn’t have been any different.

Wonder what I was expecting?

“Since when do dragons slay the knights?

Doesn’t that take away the meaning of make-believe?”

I guess that’s all it was- Fairy tales.

Sometimes you get lucky in life.

Not this time.

Who was I kidding?
I fell in too deep

and everybody

knew

expect

me.

"

Jackomo fe no nan e'

My friend lost everything in Katrina.
I was reminded of that today.
She has nothing left of it
No pictures, No letters, No objects
She has nothing left
But the memories
And it makes me wonder
I have pictures
and I have letters
and I have things I bought from the stores
And yet they mean so little
compaired to the memories.

And its like that everywhere for me.
If he sends a picture.
If she sends a letter.
If they send a present.
They dont hold a candle to the Memories.
A picture of a friend and i covered in beads
means nothing next to the thought of
dancing bare foot in the streets of Mardi Gras to Iko Iko.

I think thats why i'm still her best friend
I think thats why i'm still crazy about him
I think thats why i still want to run away with her
I think its all because its how i remember them.
I'm so scared that will all change
And i wont remember a thing
And all i'll have left is those semi-meaningless things
That dont represent a fraction of the real thing.

Part two: Phone calls from the abyss

So, this is whats left of me:

I don't understand why you have to always be gone,

I get along but the trips always feel so long,

And I find myself trying to stay by the phone,'

Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,

But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,

But when I pick up I don't have much to say...

So thats what i'm feeling.

Its Fort Minor again, I think the song fits.

Today was like everyday; confusing and dramatic.

I have a date for prom now, i'm going with Chris.

Just as friends, I swear.

I found out i passed AP with a C+

I'm happy about that. I needed that. I feel reassured.

After school i went to Matts.

Bright Eyes and i get along just fine,

So long as nothing comes after.

He'd rather kiss a guy then me in spin the bottle.

I get it might be awkward,

But dear god thats a shot to the heart.

When i get home, if not frustrated enough,

Mom has a tension headache and starts bitching

And i cant get my prom dress.

And i'm annoyed

And i'm pissed off

And i feel like total shit.

Theycame over from Matts

And i was still feeling terrible.

But then he called.

you know who he is...

I dont know why, But i felt estatic.

Maybe its because i thought he might have moved on yesterday

He didnt call, didnt seem too estatic to talk,

I thought we might have floated back to "Aquaintances" and i was hating it.

But then he called today,

And his voice was soothing as ever...

Its ironic that he was playing the "overprotective" card again.

We were talking about what sort of whoreish dress i could get

And he said i better not be a whore now

And after i asked how he'd ever know, He replied,

"You'll know when they start disappearing."

And i got a call from my friend about a prom date

Whom i unfortunatly had to turn down (he's a great dancer)

But she said she was there with Ray,

A guy i partied with last summer.

By party i mean i got shit faced drunk with,

You know; the one with the girlfriend?

Well, after that, he tells me via his friends Myspace that he had fun

And should i want to hang, give him a call.

Dear god, you know i'm bored and lonely,

I hope i dont screw up.

He's so damn cute for an asshole.

Please come back home.

Where'd you go?
I miss you so.

Seems like it's been forever

Since you've been gone...

Please come back home.

I'm not sure what is going on in my head.

I dont know what i'm thinking,

What i'm feeling, Where i'm going.

I mean, i have ideas

But none of which will do.

What should i make of it?

Its just like old times.

Before we went out.

He was away in a foreign place

And we spend hours talking about everything.

i'm one of the only people he calls.

He mentioned having to call all these other people

And yet he didnt say he wanted off the phone

And he said he'd call me again tomorrow.

"This better be an incrediby beautiful girl or i'm hanging up."

i miss the way he'd smile and say, "Goodmorning Beautiful."

i think thats what i miss about him;

He's so much better then everyone else.

He makes me feel beautiful,

He makes me laugh,

He makes me happy and i hate it.

What good is going to come of this?

"It's such a comfy bed, and it fits two."

...

"Hint hint."

So it's not just me.

He told me his story about how PDA rules dont apply

when they are on off time.

What he was alluding to, was the hotel i'd be staying at if i visited.

He didnt mean it in anything too explicit

And even if he did, lets face it:

The only reason i didnt sleep with him

Is because i would have felt like a whore.

Two weeks? Come on...

I've been browsing all day long.

How much it might cost,

What way i can get down there,

What lie i can tell my family...

AMTrak, Airplane, Car

Somewhere between 300 to 600 dollars

"I'm going to see [my brother's] girlfriend."

"Heather's grandmother invited me to go to Tahoe for the weekend."

Myabe i'll say i'm going to seem my cousins and staying with them.

My mom will never know, and they'd be really cool about it.

I realize i'm looking too much into this,

i'm thinking about all these things,

making all these plans,

and i know by the time it comes around,

We'll either have faded back to aquaintances,

Or it will just become impossible.

Far away for far too long...

He called me again.

I wasnt quite sure what to make of it last night.

"I thought, 'hey, i havent called her in a few days...'"

My heart did backflips.

I mean, he wanted to talk to me.

His mother called in between and then he called back.

It wasnt long; only an hour or so total.

our house was invaded by guests.

I swear, people have to start saying i'm not home.

(& then not letting them in.)

It was almost like the old times,

When we'd stay up all night and pass out on the phone,

About anything and everything.

He was pretty happy that he was going tobe back up here for about a month,

Though he had forgotten i'm moving before he'll get here.

He'll be back in Texas by the time i'm in California though.

I told him (Half joking so he wouldnt get scared) i'd try and come visit,

I'm not sure if he was joking, but i swear i heard him say,

"...or i could just fly you down."

I want to see him so bad.

Stop breathin' if i dont see you anymore.

I am colorblind...

Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside

I had the shock of my life:
The Air Force Ranger called.
I miss him so much.
Despite what i had thought before all of this,
I think he might actually miss me too.

I want to go see him.
He joked, "You should go to mississippi."
I wonder if i could.
Save up a few 100
and just fly down for a little bit.
As soon as he gets to Texas again,
I'm driving down there...

I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight

I stopped the thing with Bright Eyes,
Whatever small thing it might have been.
I told him to stay away for a few days
I think i'm over him...
Or at least i ought to be.
But i miss him already,
He was such a charming thing
When he was done up properly.

I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in

I can protect myself just fine.
No one really has to know,
I wont say a word.
I think i'm better off
When everything is hidden away...

Why do you see right through me?

I'm so exausted right now.
Bright eyes is driving me insane.
He does these things,
Crazy things, mad things, insane things.
And i'm still head over heals despite him.

The other night at Rico's he was acting different;
He was not his usual ass hole self.
He was pulling me onto his lap and giggling
And i gave him a back massage for a long while.

Today at Matts house,
He layed on my lap as we watched the movie,
And he had requested that i scratch his back.
And when we all went to my house,
He wanted me to give him another massage.

The entire time we watched Day after tomorrow
I sat on his half bare back and gave him chills.
That is until the end when everyone was leaving,
Though my brothers walked in,
We got up on the couch and got tucked under a blanket.

He told my friend that he loves me like a little sister
And i'm debating telling him i dont want to be near him
Because it hurts so god damn bad
To know i can never be with him...