That feeling...

Today is just one of those confusing days. The ones where you get that feeling that you dont know if it's good or bad...

I got caption. I've worked for 3 years to get captionship and it finally paid off. Sleepless nights and no breaks was all it took. Where does that leave me? A crippling pain in my thigh because i cant hold out for a day (too close to the tournament) and several other things that periodically shoot pain into random parts of my body (back and arms... who knows...). I hate how i'm always hurt. Its always. Every practice we've had something has gone wrong. Ankle, back, wrist, arm, calves, thighs... I'm so weak.

And other matters... I pretty much told my ex (the one i dated this time last year) (we'll call him J) that i never stopped liking him. Mistake? Maybe... I dont really know. He still dates that one chick who he is pretty much "in love with." He yelled at me down the hall today, "you left me last night!"I didnt know what to say. I knew he had gotten the reply where i told him i never did stop liking him... i wanted to ask him what he thought... If he stopped liking me... If... i dont know. I told him i got caption today. He didnt really seem to care, i guess he doesnt care about me then...

I dont think i mentioned, Rico kissed me the other night. I was taken aback but quite happy. Or so i thought... It was a spur of the molment thing for him, in my friend's garage after a cigarette. Kinda want another one just to see if i like him... you know how i am... "Its all in the kiss."

I found out my friend is pregnant. Actually friends. I now have 5 friends who are pregnant.I love them. All of them are keeping; i'm so unbelieveibly happy about that. You know how i am about abortion and stuff... "Angel" is the only one really open about it. She's 8 months, expecting in 2 weeks. I'm so happy! "Annie" is 4 or 5, and a little open. She talks about it but she hasnt started flaunting it yet like Angel. The others arent open and arent really planning on being open... You dont know them, dont judge them...

Uh... I started a list today. Things i learned in High School. I'll write it all out tomorrow. Or whenever i finish. Its got to be the most honest thing i've ever written. I like my honesty now...

♥Sid is Confused.