Somethings wrong with me. I'm developmentally delayed or something. The problems and feelings everyone got in 7th grade are happening now. Why do i care who likes me? Why does it matter that someone likes me? Why do i have to talk to my ex's? Why do i let them confuse me? Why am i the way i am?
Went skating. With one of the guys i like (We'll call theic one Rico. Like starship troopers) and it was pretty fun after feeling like an ugly shit for half the day. But yeah, he was helping me skate (i'm so bad at it) and we had a blast. Then my ex showed up. I get really nervous when he's around because i always feel the need to impress him (He's extremely competitive and likes to joke around at my lack of talent for things). So i spaz. And i start to suck again.
Later Rico and i are frolicing off to get water and play on the playground and his ex/my old friend shows up. Why? I dont know. He hated her a few days ago if i was correct. She still wont talk to me because of it. I dont get it but i'm avoiding doing it again (i'll explain later). So yeah, they're talking. She's obviously not there to skate and her sister wasnt there so that wasnt it. She was there for him. Jealous much? Deffinatly. I guess i want what i cant have... I want it all too. He drove off with her when the rink closed...
They're probably off having sex or something... I'm confused.
So i'm still pretty giddy as i'm still with friends. Rico was playing with my hands a little... you know, twisting his fingers into mine in a suttle mannor. Or maybe i'm just a spaz and it was an accident... I'm confused.
Get home. Just feel like talking to Rico. My other ex is on, the one whom i was pretty much in love with. We've been talking a lot more lately despite the fact he lives on the east coast now... The other day, When we got off the phone somehow "i love you" sliped out. Habits die hard i guess. Or maybe i still do. Who knows. He and i were talking quite a bit for a few minutes and then my other friend whom he's been getting to know (a guy even)got on and we stopped talking. Eh... Not much to complain about except he's been telling me about his sex life with his girl friend over there while pretty much telling me he wants to sleep with me when he comes up... I'm confused.
My other ex... (Sorry... i know. But i dont like giving names). The one i went out with around this time last year. He tells me he's learning Sweet child o'mine and Paradise city on guitar. I'm impressed. I love Guns and Roses. Then he informs me he's learning another song by them and has me guess. Dont Cry, my absolute favorite song. he replies, "I know, thats why i started learning it. Now i'm just finishing because i've gotten better." I dont know what to make of this one... Maybe my desires are skewing my judgement. I saw him today at the store at lunch and he was like, "Hey, i havent goetten a hug in a really long time..." After a breif conversation he started doing that sexual implication thing... His jacket was cold on the outside but he was warm on the inside (mind you at this point he was pointing to his pants...)... I'm confused.
A guy who i had a history with is back in the picture. We were about to go out but then he pretty much left me (several times)for other girls. That was freshman year. We didnt talk for a long time because of that but now we were talking again. I knew he was at it again when he started telling me i was beautiful and such. I didnt want to go back to where we had been but after going to his game he asked me, "Would you ever go out with me? After we start hanging out and such again?" Nice guy but not what i want. Not what i need now i know. He hasn't changed. He actually got one of my friends knocked up and got some of my other friends (the pretty one who has her pick included... go figure) drunk tonight. The other girl, the one who drove off with my ex, likes him. Just to throw that out, she'd get pissed if she knew what he had asked... I'm confused.
fuck i bitch about nothing a lot.
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