"I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong.
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy.
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen.
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in. "
Am i not ment to be happy?
Its okay if i'm not, i wont be angry, i promise.
I just want to know so i can stop trying so hard?
Last night's dance was fun. But terrible at the same time.
Beautiful felt like shit. Bright eyes felt like shit. Kittie felt like shit.
I was happy for a molment i suppose. It felt good to be there with Matt,
But at the same time i wanted to be anywhere else in the world.
How terrible am i?
I like Matt. I like him a lot.
He's nice and he gets me and he's so much like me.
But i want more?
I want bright eyes.
What is the cause of my fixation?
Why am i so into him?
He's not even that great of a guy.
He's moody, and blunt, and a tad bit apathetic.
But i cant stop thinking about him...
He kissed me last night.
I wouldnt call it a kiss though.
He pretended to kiss the three others there too.
KK was one of em. I think Kittie was another...
He did it right infront of Matt.
A breif second, as if it wasnt even supposed to hit my lips.
A pretend one, like the others.
But it wasnt. He had hold of my face and pulled me in.
How terrible am i?
And to top that off, i've been thinking about my ex.
He moved to Texas for airforce training.
We had started talking a little before he left.
We were making plans to hang out,
It just didnt quite work out as i had hoped.
Phone calls and miscommunications.
I havent seen him in a long time.
I dont think that i will see him for a long time comming.
Its killing me...
Meg wants me to go see him with her this summer.
She and her boyfriend are going down for the 4th.
They're starting in Washington, she figures just get me from California on the way.
She thinks he might like to see me.
I wish he did.
I hope he might call or something sometime.
I miss him so much...
How terrible am i?
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