Today was swell and yet some how in the last two hours i managed to break down. The "today" in the title however is referring to yesterday and "tomorrow" is today. I was happy yesterday but today it wasnt so great so that i would not cry... Odd but let me first explain yesterday...
I was rather happy for a sudden change. My friend and i went to the blazare, which is kind of like a once a year flea-market. It was pretty lame, few items interesting enough to pass by twice. I bought some amazing chapstick with soy in it so it feels amazing and feel in love with this new kind of gem i saw named rainbow something. Its an amazing blue green color.
After that we wandered down town for a long while. We visited a few shops, ate lunch, wandered a little and made our way back up to the school. Since the play wasn’t until later that night we decided to go watch the wrestling matches. Unfortunately we saw someone eating a Frito pie (Fritos, chili, and cheese) and for some reason my fat ass wanted some on top of the cupcake and the plate of rice I had from lunch.
My friend started talking to someone who she considers a brother of sorts. The one who you’re never really around but you care about so much and wish you were closer… yeah, that type of brother. I’ve seen him around the school or at her house fooling around. He’s a pretty funny guy, the kind I’d like to get to know. I’m giving him a makeshift name because I hope to have more encounters with him, we’ll call him Tim.
It was one of the more amusing matches I’ve ever been to, perhaps because my new found friend was joking around the whole time. When my friend had to leave around 5, he stayed to watch the games with me. Some might be wondering, “Perhaps he just didn’t want to move.” True, but once his friend left for awhile, he still stayed with me instead of moving with his other friends. A rather amusing person, a good friend to have when your day was going no where.
My boyfriend came over after that. It was like it was for a day, I was pretty happy about that. I mean… he actually kissed me. And seemingly meant it… Yeah, I know I’m a spaz, but that’s usually a big cue for me a relationship is falling… He called and heard that he wasn’t supposed to work today. I was beyond estatic because we were all going to go paintballing so we’d be spending the whole day together on our 1 month anniversary.
He got called into work instead. He told us he’d be out there around 3 to paintball with us but he didn’t get out until around 5. We went paintballing twice, both times I got the shit kicked out of me. I only got shot maybe twice while playing by rules, but after my friends decided to shoot me point blank. My friend shot me in the ass from 6 feet away. I turned and shot her twice before my brother knocked me 4 times in the calves. I have these bleeding welts on my legs the size of softballs.Needless to say I was in quite a bit of pain whenever anything (including the pant leg of my sweats) touched my welts.
Well, when we got back to the house the remainder of our anniversary was spent playing basketball and Zelda. I don’t think he had any idea it was 1 month. He asked why I seemed so sick so I blamed it on my stomach, said I was sick somehow. My stomach hurt because I wanted to throw up from all the stress.
Boyfriends, cheerleading, school, grades, family, pain, weight, depression… All too much to stomach right now, quite literally. I know I’m a bitchy teen and these are all just superficial problems but they seem so much more then skin deep… Its SI time again. But I’m no longer cutting, or I’ll try not to. Yesterday morning after a fight with the scale and my mom I beat my legs with a wrench until they couldn’t move. Not the smartest of things but it certainly made me feel so much better about what was going on. And this way I don’t regret anything like scars or medical problems later… The only good thing about paintball is I got to blame the monstrous bruises on the paintballs.
♥Broken Sid
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