So... today was... odd to say the least. I hate what i've become. How dependent and desperate i am for some sort of companionship... Its come to the point where i like a guy simply because he's into football and cars... Is that not the broadest description of a male's quaities and similar interests? I feel so dumb...
Yesterday was crap. I broke my new years resolution and i'm extremely disappointed in myself. But i'm doing one step better then i used to be... It doesnt hurt as much the next day when you reflect back on it... I still cant cry though. I even wanted too... I just couldnt... Its like the song... "And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow..." I cant grow out of who i used to be if i still cant cry...
So today started as crap. I slept little last night on account of the overwhelming thoughts. I woke late this morning and i felt like total shit. I walked through the halls questioning whether or not i'd pretend to be allright today. I didnt know what I'd do, I figured I'd just go along with it. So I drifted the first 2 periods. Rico was passive towards me in first and second is with all the jocks and idiots so i wasnt too happy in there either... But at lunch my Kim and Carrie and found me so i stayed with them. It turns out the new guy whom i've fixed my attention on is friends with one of Kim' s friends. So i got to spend some of lunch with him (laughing, which was a nice change.) And after school he was staying after with a few of my other friends so i got to hang out with him a tiny bit longer... He's fun.
I guess it's because he's not from here. He's a little different then most of the people here... only a little but enough to matter. Its one of those things that you question yourself, "Why?" He's not incredibly hott or anything like the freshman. He's not funny and foolishly perverse like Rico. As far as i know he's not incredibly sweet like my recent ex or loving and caring like J... He's just a boy. Just a random person my brain is going crazy because of and there is no reason behind it...
Anyways, i dont feel so terrible anymore thanks to Bright eyes and that guy (whom i think i will also call "bright eyes" as he has ice blue eyes [that and i think "peice of meat" is a little too poor in taste...])
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